madturbating:

today in theater someone asked my friend if he was pro gay and he was like “im not pro gay but im not amateur gay either”

oldtimeydildomachine:

showerthoughtsofficial:

Your future self is talking shit about you

I’m talking shit about me too she ain’t special

liveshowbants:

you: netflix and chill

me, an intellectual: queer eye and cry

knockfivetimes:

tired in the streets, asleep in the sheets

osterfields:

osterfields:

tom holland just posted a video on instagram like “I’m sorry that there’s no new news on the spiderman sequel but I just got the script I’m about to read it!!” and he held up the script and it said “spider-man: far from home” so yeah he just spoiled the spider-man sequel title while announcing he had no news on the spider-man sequel,, good job tom

mess

barbex:

gettingdinnerandpossiblythinner:

My favorite is people who send me unsolicited dick pics and then they’re like, “uh, hi? Are you ignoring me?”

It’s just so funny to me. Like one minute I’m designing bioreactors and getting published for heat dissipation in polymers and then I open this godforsaken app to dudes hanging brain who can’t even pronounce “saponification” calling me a slut because I won’t give attention to their limp excuses for existence.

3 billion years of evolution and the greatest form of communication you can conjure up in your fermented omelet of a conscience is submitting your wrinkly ball sac to a stranger on the Internet to substitute the attention your parents never gave their mistake of an offspring.

This is poetry.

bepeu:

mood: i’ll wait in the car